What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do

When was the last time that you took some time out for yourself, by yourself? I'm not talking about getting a manicure or an exercise class, or even curling up for a good book/Netflix binge. Can you remember the last time you spent some time with yourself - alone, in silence, with the iPhone in another room. And your iPad turned off. 

Yeah? Me neither. 

I can't even recall the last time I was able to get through an entire YouTube meditation without interruption. What's worse, I've gotten so used to noise that I can't comfortably meditate in silence. I need someone to guide me, to tell me what to do. (Yes, I understand the irony of this situation - to be discussed in another post.)

I'm not an indecisive person. I also dislike ambiguity-  it's uncomfortable - especially when I should have the answers. Am I tired or sick? Which color dress? Do I want to stay home or go out? Though there may be no right or wrongs here, we're still expected to have the answers. We should be able to identify our desires and follow a plan of action to the desired result.

But what if we can't? I know plenty of my contemporaries who are somewhat unhappy in their jobs. That also means they're only somewhat content. I'm early Generation-Y, and we grew up hearing that we could do anything we put our minds to. We could be happy, fulfilled, if only we wanted it bad enough (and worked for it.) So how come so many of us aren't satisfied by our careers? 

I think it's because a lot of us don't really know what "happy" means - not in the general sense, but the very personal, unique vision that's stored in our hearts. That impossible to articulate piece of a dream.  We know what unhappy looks like - stifled, angry, frustrated - and most of us accept this as inevitable with any job.  In fact, we spend most of our lives somewhere between unhappy and happy - in the "OK" zone. Or "fine." Or whatever adjective you use when someone asks how you're doing today.  It's very hard to be both OK and truly happy at the same time. But it's quite easy to be both OK and hate your job, because you believe that you can and will find something better... Something that looks like job satisfaction.

If only you knew what that looked like! There's a really annoying phrase: "You don't know what you don't know." Here, it's applicable.  What's more annoying - no one is going to fill you in! I wish a fairy godmother had tapped me on the shoulder 10 years ago and said, "Brett, you will be happy as a headhunter and you will adopt a cat."  I would have never guessed that. I would have never even be in this profession unless I resigned from a miserable job without anything else lined up. I knew I was unhappy and I didn't know what my happiness looked like. So I took a leap of faith.

(Edited to add: I am not suggesting you make any sudden moves! In fact, this post is advocating that you do what is right for you. I have often made sudden moves that I later regret.)

Yeah, at first I fell flat on my face. And I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was I wanted to do. I spent a month or so as a waitress, interviewing for various fundraising positions. I cried- a lot. I asked for advice from anyone and everyone.  I listened to the noise. There was a lot of it, internal and external; it became a classic case of "analysis paralysis." Should I do this or that? I couldn't decide. I was listening to everyone but myself, literally running in circles around the Mall. (I had nothing else to do.)

So I stopped.

I made a point to sit and check in with myself at the halfway point of my jogs. I took out my headphones and sat on the edge of the Capitol Reflecting Pool. I stared at the water until it felt right to close my eyes. I breathed.

And then... Nothing. 

No answers to the secret of life, no epiphanies about the purpose of my existence.  Just a clear mind. A silent mind. And with a silent mind, you can hear something else.

Try it. Be silent. Breathe in, breathe out. Listen... Do you hear it?

It's your heart. It's asking you to do nothing but breathe. You can do that. You don't have to make any decisions or take any action. You just need to breathe. 

Just like you can't make edits before you write, you can't make changes or prepare yourself for eventualities. You don't have to decide right now what you really want or what might make you happy. You only need to ready for it when it comes.  And when it comes, you'll act from a place of stillness, rather than reaction.

Until then, do nothing. (Notice I am not suggesting you leave your "ok" job or make any moves at all.) Really,  give yourself permission to do nothing. Be patient, be still, don't react.  That is all you need to do when you don't know what to do.

Interviews: The Psychology Behind the Questions

Today, I'd like to shed some light on interview techniques and why many recruiters, myself included, use them. Obviously, I am not the first person to write about interview questions on LinkedIn, or the brilliant/maddening techniques used by Fortune 500 CEO's.  But what I'd like to do today is pull back the curtain on the psychology behind interviews - why I ask the things I do.  I know that this won't be an "aha!" moment for many, and some of you may disagree with my approach, so feel free to contribute your thoughts in the comments section.

There are several different types of interview questions, including fact verification (What was your GPA? How many years of experience do you have using Adobe?) and competency (Give me a specific example of your leadership skills). These are pretty self-explanatory. I'm making sure you have the skills and experience you say you do.

Then there are the brainteaser and case-type questions: "How many marbles could you fit in a school-bus? " or "How many gas stations are there in Sub-Saharan Africa?" Now, I understand why these questions might be asked, in the right situation. Most of my placements have been in the Human Resources arena. I would not expect an HR Manager to know these answers, as these are problems they will hopefully never have to solve in a professional environment. 

(I also happen to know that some employers will ask these questions of any applicant who walks through their door. Please, do not do this. It's mean, watching someone squirm for your amusement.)

Finally, we have the behavioral based interview questions. Here, we are generally seeking to understand how you approach a problem, what steps you take to handle that problem, and the results.  Example: "Tell me about a time when you dropped the ball on a project, and how did you handle that?" We ask behavioral questions for a couple of reasons:

1. Past behavior is often a good predictor of future results
2. Can you define and articulate the situation, task, your actions, and the result?
3. Does it make sense? I want to understand your reasoning behind your actions. Did you take responsibility for dropping the ball or did you pass the blame to another team member? How you answer the question is often as important as the answer itself. 

Which leads us to the fun stuff.... at least in my mind! These are the so-called "random" questions. I actually saw these listed as "dumb questions" on CollegeGrad.com: "their purpose is to get past your pre-programmed answers to find out if you are capable of an original thought."

First of all, I would not waste my time interviewing someone who was incapable of original thought. And second, you may think they're dumb, but I'm reading more into your answers than you realize. 

"Tell me something that's not on your resume." Sure, this inquiry might seem benign, but this is where I most often see candidates slip up. Because not only are they designed to find out more about you as a person (versus just a candidate), these questions are also intended to disarm. I'm engaging you in topics that seemingly have nothing to do with work. I'm getting to know you, getting to know all about you... not just through your answers, but your choices.

For example, when I ask you to tell me something about you that's not on your resume, you have tons of choices. Your favorite color? Your volunteer experience? Or are you  going to choose to reveal something that will make me question your judgment - touching on topics that are in no way suitable in a professional setting. 

Call it manipulative, but if your random fact is that you "like to get drunk and watch Paul Blart, Mall Cop on the weekends," I won't just scrutinize your entertainment choices - I'll wonder why in the world you thought that was appropriate to bring up in a job interview. 

And, if you're that comfortable now, who knows what you'll say once you're on the job? I'm supposed to be the expert at screening people, so what would that do for my own professional reputation? 

Here's another one: "If you were a brand, what would you be?" or, "If you had a walk-up song, what would it be?" Here, I am looking for two key pieces of information: Does the brand or song you pick represent a trait that I'm looking for in a candidate, something that's important to the job? And 2. Is it an appropriate answer? Believe me, I would much rather hear, "I don't know, that's a good question," than "Gold Digger" (unless you can come up with a very clever and amusing answer why we should hire someone like that.)

To give you an example of a very strong answer, one candidate I interviewed once said, "My brand would be Avis: 'We Try Harder.'" Brilliant. He got the job, of course.

I do not suggest you seek to copy this answer, nor do I want you to spend hours coming up with a slogan that best represents you. I am cautioning that the next time you are sitting across from a smiling recruiter who starts asking these "dumb" questions, think of where you are. I'm not just a recruiter; I'm a psychologist. Again, your behavior (read: answers) in the interview is a strong predictor of how you will perform on the job, and how well you may fit within the company culture. I do want to see you loosen up a bit, show some personality - that's just as important as your skill set. And I'm also playing psychologist -  But do you really want to be remembered as the guy who loves watching Mall Cop - and thought it was OK to mention - even if you do get hired?

I didn't think so. 

Leave your walk-up songs, and favorite interview questions, faux-pas and total nightmares in the comments section.

This post was originally published on LinkedIn.

Read my other posts here:

• What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do
• The Rainbow Dilemma aka What Do You Really Want?
• What You Can't Afford Not to Give... and Why
• Play To Your Strengths

Photo credit: blisstree.com

Play to Your Strengths | Career Advice from the HR Frontlines

A couple of years ago, a good friend of mine (we'll call her Fran*) reached out for some career advice. Fran had just moved back to the DC area after a couple of years in Florida, where she had completed law school. Following a devastating breakup, she found herself on her best friend's couch in Virginia, unemployed and with hopes to pass the bar (which, to her credit, is pretty impossible while you're fighting with your ex-boyfriend while packing up your life). 

But Fran's smart. She's got contacts - a network - who quickly helped her back on her feet. Soon she was working as a legal assistant at a law firm downtown, but she wasn't fulfilled. She felt stuck: she had just gone through school to be a lawyer, so why did she feel unmotivated? That is a lot of money and time invested in a goal which no longer excited her. 

Knowing I specialized in recruiting, Fran reached out and asked for some career advice. I listened to her describe what she liked about law, and what she didn't. I then asked her what she likes to do, and what she's good at.  As is the case for most people, these turned out to be very much aligned:

1. Organization - Fran is a highly organized person. I lived with her for two years in college and I've never seen the girl's bed unmade or papers in disarray on her desk. I swear she sorts her socks by color. She enjoys creating order in a chaotic environment (i.e. a freshman dorm or fast paced law firm). And when Fran tells you she'll be there at noon, you better believe she'll arrive no later than 11:45. 
2. Project Management - Not only will Fran keep herself organized, she will keep everyone around her on task, too. And she goes about doing that in a very non-aggressive fashion that allows all parties involved to feel comfortable contributing. She's a good taskmaster and is also hands-on. She will expertly see any project through from start to finish. She likes seeing the fruits of her labor.
3. Research and Writing - Fran is not one to take everything at surface level. On the contrary, she's an excellent digger and detective. What makes this skill even more valuable is her ability to piece together information, to connect the dots and tell the story in a way that makes sense in the context of any project. She is also an skilled editor with an eye for detail that could make or break a paper.
4. Finally, Fran enjoys (and is great at) support, whether it be supporting projects, goals, organizations, or people. Need a friend to call at 2 AM when your crush breaks your heart? Call her. She'll be there. She's also the one to remind you that he doesn't even know your name, because she's honest, even when it hurts. She'll then tell you how great you are and bring you wine and cheese. She likes being depended on, and lucky for everyone around her, she excels in a role that allows her to utilize this underrated talent.

Of course, Fran is my friend and I could go on and on about how wonderful she is, but we're talking about career here, so I'll get back on topic. 

At the time, I was placing both HR professionals and executive assistants. Any of the skills above would have been a fit for an administrative role, though I could tell that wouldn't make her happy. Fran is a project person who likes to have a lot going on. Plus, her legal studies were clearly important to her. It was obvious she worked hard to get where she was, and placing her in a purely administrative capacity would have been doing her a disservice.

I ended the call by sharing these thoughts with Fran, and she agreed that executive assistant work wasn't for her.  But the conversation had indeed proved fruitful- whereas she had previously lost sight of the unique skills she brought to the table, she was now able to articulate and define her strengths - traits that shine through in her everyday life. She was better positioned to identify jobs that would play to them, regardless of industry, and recognize the right opportunity when it came her way. 

I wouldn't say I'm a believer in fate, but I do believe that timing is everything. Sure enough, days after this conversation occurred, a top client reached out with a rather nontraditional request: they were seeking someone highly organized with strong writing skills and a legal background to develop a records management system for their client, an agency of the US government. Did I know anyone who was detail oriented, a strong project manager who was also good at research and talking to people and had a track record of all star support and executing on time-sensitive deliverables?

She was offered the job on the spot.

*name changed for privacy purposes